Relationships: Setting Healthy Boundaries

Relationships are an important part of human life. It offers connection and companionship. It supports us through the ups and downs of life. It’s crucial to set healthy boundaries in relationships, even in the closest one. These borderlines make sure that a person can maintain his/her identity, emotional well-being and personal values. These limitations help balance relationships. Otherwise, it can lead to frustration, emotional burnout, or resentment. Setting borderlines is an act of caring for the relationship as well as their self-respect.

It’s really important to know what healthy boundaries in relationships are, why they are necessary, and how to create and maintain them respectfully.

What are healthy boundaries?

The invisible lines that define acceptable and unacceptable behavior from yourself and others are called boundaries. They allow you to communicate your needs and desires. Also protects you emotionally, mentally and physically.

Healthy extremities are:

• CLEAR AND DIRECT: It means open communication and no doubtfulness.
• RESPECTFUL: It means paying respect to each other’s sentiments and demands equally.
• NON-MANIPULATIVE: Don’t control each other and try to maintain personal ethics and companionship.
• FLEXIBLE: Adjust to the circumstances of the relationship and progress accordingly.

Why are healthy boundaries important?

• PRESERVING INDIVIDUALITY: Healthy limitations make a person sensible towards themselves. In close relationships, it’s easy to overlook personal interests, values, and goals. Thus border lines help in maintaining identity and nurturing relationships.
• BUILDING TRUST AND RESPECT: Respecting limits creates mutual faith. When both people respect each other’s borders, they develop a relationship full of understanding. And thus nobody feels used or staggered.
• ENHANCING COMMUNICATION: Limits encourage honest and open discussion about one’s desires and necessities. They strengthen the relationship by promoting a better understanding of each other’s feelings, needs, expectations, emotional aspects, and comfort areas.
• PREVENTING RESENTMENT: Feelings of frustration and resentment arise when personal limits are violated constantly. By creating borders, everybody knows what to expect. It erases misunderstandings and possible disputes.

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES

In relationships, it’s very important to identify red flags of unhealthy extremities. It can be displayed as –

1. INABILITY TO SAY NO: It means it’s very difficult for you to say no to someone’s requests even if that request is against your values and principles and damages your comfort zone.
2. GUILT AND OBLIGATION: It happens when you feel forced to do things for someone else because of rejection fear or guilt, instead of your own will.
3. OVERDEPENDENCE: It happens when someone is so badly dependent on the other person. It means for making even a small decision that another person should be there as emotional support or decision-making.
4. PEOPLE-PLEASING: The habit of prioritizing others’ needs to the damage of your own. It leads to burnout.
5. LACK OF SPACE: Constantly being together or inability to stay apart and being alone without feeling anxious.

HOW TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ?

1. SELF-REFLECTION: Ask yourself what behavior you like and what makes you comfortable. Acknowledging your limits is the first step in a relationship. It will provide you with better ways to decide what is acceptable.  
2. START SMALL: At first, it may make you uncomfortable. But you have to start small. Start with less emotionally involved areas of your relationship. Before addressing major aspects, you can start with personal space and time management.
3. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY: Always communicate clearly about your feelings. Say “ I am not comfortable with this or that..”, instead of using someone else’s example. This will give a clear idea of your personal needs.
4. EXPECT PUSHBACK: Many will not understand your margins, especially when they follow a particular routine in their relationships. But this doesn’t mean you should push yourself back. Have patience and be consistent with your limits, and as time passes, many will start to respect them.
5. REASSESS AND ADJUST: Time changes and so do borderlines. Rethink your limits and reset them from time to time. Things and feelings change as you grow closer. 
6. BE ASSERTIVE, NOT AGGRESSIVE: There is no need to be harsh or cold while creating a border. Be assertive in a respectful way. You can assert your needs without disturbing the other person’s feelings.

EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARIES IN DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS

• IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS: Needing time for personal hobbies, deciding whether you wanna communicate or not, agreeing on handling conflicts, and respecting each other when any of them asks for alone time.
• IN FAMILY: Borderlines with family means setting limits on free advice, and how often they can visit. And deciding how to manage family issues.
•  IN THE WORKPLACE: This means defining balance between work and personal life, and communicating which behavior is accurate. 
•  IN FRIENDSHIPS: Borders can include saying no to discussions that make you uncomfortable. Limitations are necessary when your friends start to think you are 24/7 available, and you are not a free shoulder to cry upon whenever they want.

CHALLENGES IN SETTING BOUNDARIES

Setting extremities is necessary, but challenging. Especially in relationships where predefined rules are already made. Some challenges we can see commonly are:

FEAR OF REJECTION OR CONFLICT: People avoid creating outer limits because they don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. And this may cause bigger problems in the future.

INCONSISTENT ENFORCEMENT: Without consistently enforced, boundaries can not be managed well. You have to be firm and compassionate while reminding your limits to the other person.

GUILT: Sometimes setting borderlines makes you feel guilty, and the guilt becomes worse when the other person reacts negatively. Boundaries mean preserving your well-being, not punishing the other person.

CONCLUSION

The Foundation of strong, fulfilling, and respectful relationships are healthy boundaries. It allows a person to thrive together and personally as well. It fosters mutual trust, understanding, and development. Take time to know your needs and desires. Communicate them clearly and create an environment where you and your loved ones feel supported, valued, and free to be you.

In any relationship, creating and managing boundaries is a nonstop process. Self-awareness, respect and patience are very important for this and in the end, you will get the best results.